All in the Family
Speaker: Rev. Matt Henry
Location: Whitney United Methodist Church
Date: March 1, 2009
How many of you remember the show “Star Trek,” the original one? Okay, now that you remember that show I want us all to step in the transporter and I’m gonna take us back in time. Ready? Cue the sound effects. Who’s got a good sound effect for this? You know, it’s really nice this is going to play on the radio. People will see what a talented congregation we really have. Okay, we are now in the early 1950s and this is what the American family looks like. “Oh, Beaver.” “Ward, I’m so glad you’re home, honey.” This is the American family in the 1950s, right? This is when women actually met their husbands coming home from a hard day at work and all the husbands had suits and ties and the women were all in high heels and, like, cocktail outfits. Isn’t that the truth? Weren’t you? And some of you were kind enough to meet your husband at the door with a martini. Weren’t you? Maybe this isn’t the life that you know.
Okay, so we’ve got this lovely…this is the American family in the 1950s, right. We can just name them off. I mean, there’s…there’s “Leave it to Beaver,” “Ozzie and Harriet,” everybody’s happy, there’s “My Three Sons.” Well, that’s interesting. “My Three Sons” gets a little edgy because there’s no mother involved. We sense that he was, yeah, we sense that he was a widower, and….two sons but then he adopts a third one. Okay, so we’re moving in time. That’s about the 1960s right? And then finally we get to the 1970s where the American family blooms in its fullest….”Archie!” “Shut up Edith!” “Archie, you can’t talk to your wife that way!” “Who’s talking to you meathead?” And that’s the American family in the 1970s. Where’s the reality in that? Who can possibly forget “All in the Family?”
What part did you play in that family? The thing about our text this morning is that every one of us fits somewhere in them, whether it is a sibling rivalry between a first born and a second born or a blended family of half brothers with animosity between the current spouse and the divorcee, or a situation involving twins, forcing the parents to pick a favorite, or the conflict involved between an overindulgent widower who spoils his youngest at the expense of alienating the overly responsible, perfectionist oldest.
What part do you play in these families? The odds are most of us are somewhere there. Me? I’m in the Cain and Abel saga and I did not kill my brother. At one point I did offer him up as a sacrifice to my mother’s temper and some of you have heard that miserable story before. I am a classic first born oldest brother to my glory and shame. My father seems to disappear out of my life once my brother, who is four years younger, came along. And as time went on, my offering to my father involved right brain stuff…art, music (loving it and making it), theater (loving it and being in it), academics and crafts. My brother, on the other hand, is all left brain. He is the computer engineer, the mathematician, the systems analyst, and a motorcycle mechanic bar none. And when he was young he and my father bonded severely over motocross and dirt bikes. They were both really into that. I would have liked to be but I really couldn’t see the legitimate sanity of getting on a machine and doing things that could easily kill you if not, like, break your leg. You know, that just didn’t seem to wise to me but, you know, it did to them and they were both very good at it.
In fact they were a team and because of that the bond was there. And I tried to get in and I couldn’t break in that way so, while they were inseparable as I grew up, in terms of my father and me I was basically alone and very lonely and because of that, to this day, I am a little wiggy and conflicted around male mentors and role models that I admire. I both want them to notice me; I’m like a puppy dog around them, but on the other hand I’m afraid they’ll run away and make me feel as though I’m rejected goods. This strongly influences and affects how I am as a leader in any way. So I tend to go through my life, I have tended to go through my life searching for a blessing from the Dad figure and that’s the primary reason, I think, I chose a career I’ll never really be able to live up to, one that focuses on a blessing from the Father.
What part do you play in your family’s system? Whatever it is, it is still….know this….it is still very much at work in who you are now. But, lest we forget, we are after all talking about family dynamics here, meaning that all of us are children to some parents but many of us are parents to some child. What part did you or do you play in that family? Are you the mother or father who clearly has always had a favorite? Did you set up conflict by requiring different expectations of them? My question is…was the Cain and Abel story written by a carnivore? It might have played out differently if written by a vegetarian. Did you end up recreating your own childhood with your kids, or did you consciously rebel, perhaps by having one child because you come from a family of eight and you were never noticed nor missed?
Now here’s an interesting question folks, and I thought about this often. What type of parent would Jesus have been? Now let’s look at this for a second. Would he have been an absentee father who was never home, leaving the wife behind to raise the kids and the kids behind to say, “Gee, we really don’t see much of dad at all ‘cause he’s always on the road doing his preaching gig”? Or would Jesus have been a typical first born perfectionist exacting perfection from his oldest. For that matter, what type of parent is God for you? Is God an absentee dad or one who hangs your finger paintings on his refrigerator? Is God, in fact, one who conquers death by using his child or one who sacrifices his child over to death? Brothers and sisters, believe it or not you are not just some motley organization of individuals that come together once a week and then go home and there’s nothing else to it. You are a family in the truest sense of the word. Every church is a family and the Bible testifies to this, a family that revolves around a covenant, expectations and promises and responsibilities to each other.
What part do you play in this family? Are you a perfectionist like me? Maybe you’re a rebel. Maybe you’re a jealous rival. Some of you I have the experienced to be the typical classic wall flower middle children. Are some of you spoiled, indulgent youngest ones? Are any of you one who will murder your sibling when no one’s looking? Or are you one who becomes fully aware of your own shortcomings and seeks to turn your life around because of them? Are you indulgent, violent, recalcitrant or repentant? Whatever you are, know this….it is all in the family.
These words I speak to you this morning I give to you in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.